The other night I was having drinks with my Zen Master (what? You don't know about my Zen Master? Catch up people. . . read here), and we were discussing the challenges of coordinating and funding this Crusade tour. As usual when Zen is around, I get very dramatic and lay out all of my hopes and dreams and fears and wait for the magic to happen. He told me he was surprised that I was such a perfectionist. He said that perfectionism is the antithesis of my free spirit, anything-goes, I'm crazy and I'm ok with it personality (I'm paraphrasing - Zen is way more eloquent). Here is a direct quote, "You're one big ball of contradictions - that's what I like about you."
So am I full of contradictions? Let's put it in the context of the tour, since this is a blog and not a diary of my personal ruminations. The tour is a huge idea. Huge. And totally terrifying. I'm putting myself out there - literally - and taking on a gigantic load of work, pressure and responsibility. I suppose a perfectionist generally wouldn't try something with such a high risk of failure. Maybe a perfectionist would bite off smaller chunks that could be more reasonably controlled for success. But what fun would that be?
At the same time, I have incredibly high standards for myself and won't be happy to just physically make it around the country in my bus, riding back into Atlanta on fumes. I want to kill it. So maybe I'm a delusional perfectionist?
And then the next morning I stopped into my favorite coffee shop, where they post the day's horoscope on the counter. Gemini's, listen up:
"While there are times when being a perfectionist means the difference between getting what you want and not getting it, in most instances, perfectionism isn't realistic, necessary or useful."
Hmmmm. Zen would like that.
So the take home message? Relax. Breathe. Go for it. Embrace your successes and your failures. As Zen would say, "Never waste a good crisis."